Qara' leb `ataph

So I was able to go home to Sindangan last sembreak.

And it was such a blessing to be able to hang out with my friends again.

To see them smile and giggle;

To joke and goof around around with them;

To talk to them and just be beside them,

it just melts my heart.

But it also crushed and wounded my heart.

For they remain the same people.

The same people who I used to party with,

to get drunk with,

had wrong relationships with,

to curse with and just be so lost in this dead world.

Seeing all these, it just made me question God.

“God why? Why only me? What about them.”

Maybe God wants me to reach out to them.

And with all my heart I do desire for them to have that intimate relationship with Christ.

I want them to feel joy and peace that I have found in the Almighty.

But my heart breaks because they refuse to believe even refuse to listen.

Even my family is no different

Why?

They tell me that I had changed in God’s way.

I hear their mouth speak those words.

But why?

Why do refuse to listen why don’t they believe.

It just makes me weak.

It disheartens me.

It hurts so much.

If God is trying to teaching patience,

I wonder how long I must wait.

How many years must I try to reach out and always end up broken.

“Oh God, sustain me then.”

But I know that God will be faithful.

Someday in His perfect timing they’ll love Him too.

No matter how many years it may be.

All I have to remember is that it is not my job to save them but just to tell them.

Therefore, I keep on telling.

I’ll tell them about God even if they make me shut up.

And if they do, then I’ll tell them through the way I live my life.

I don’t know what’s going to happen.

I love my friends so dearly

and I am not condemning them because of the things they do.

For I was also once like that.

It is by God’s grace that I am changed and I will not take any credit for I did no miracles– God did.

I can finally say that I am in love with my bestfriends.

I know that it is not by my own strenght but by God’s grace.

For I know that I am an unloving person.

So I praise God for giving me the heart to love them.

And I pray that someday that when the rapture happens,

that I will truly be ready; knowing that we will be caught up together

and be with God for eternity.

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